I've used this word a time or too. For the record I will not use this word again. It was brought to my attention we are not defeated if we are a child of God.
2 Corinthians 4:9
persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
We will be persecuted there will be many times you will hear the wrong advice. Be very careful with your friends or family with the advice they give. Make sure that it lines up with the word of God. We both were persecuted for fighting for our marriage, if we both had listen to advice from people we would not be together today. I was trying my best to draw near to God just as Mike was trying and succeeding in drawing near to God.
When the two of us were both drawing near to God and to please Him, what do you think happened? Yes, He drew near to both of us and wrapped His arms around us into one with Him. How amazing is our God?
Here is Godly advice from a Godly brother, when I texted "Defeated".
God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power (you for sure) and of might and a sound mind. God is going to prevail and show you that He is greater than these issues. He built the world!!!! Think of it!!! He built the world in 7 days!!! We serve an amazing God! Be strong. Be faithful. Believe, you and Mike have endured hardship beyond belief! Trust God. Our God is greater than any circumstance we face.
Now that is Godly, advice.
Defeated, No!! Stronger yes! We will all endure issues in our marriage, but please remember the God that joined you together is still the same God that is willing to put your marriage back together better than before. Please give Him the opportunity to do this, you will not be disappointed.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Mask
It became a part of my identity to myself, I felt hopeless, I was defensive, and I became a slave to it. I began to lose my life and what I thought I couldn't overcome.
Romans 6:12-14
"Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God. Sin is no longer your master. Instead, you live under the freedom of God's grace."
You see I thought the mask was helping me but it was only helping me to hide the sin in me. I don't like pretending, actually what you see is what you get with me. I was only out to mask myself where others would think she really is getting through this so easy. If only I had taken God at His word and released it sooner. The pride would have been dissolved and the forgiveness would have come sooner.
We both look back as we're in God's word to see all the mistakes we made trying to do it our way and not God's way. This goes for so many things marriage, finances, children, employment and the list goes on. We have learned that we will both be in agreement and at peace with the decisions that need to be made. God's way not ours even if we have to struggle to get there. Our joy comes in the morning every morning.
My heart was sick and mind wouldn't let it go. I had not turned this over to God and left it there, if so it would have been over with sooner. Complete healing. I was disappointed that I had unfulfilled expectations of my husband but most of all myself.
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Untreated pain and bitterness, pain that medicine couldn't cure. Pain that hurt so bad at times I wondered where God was in this. God had a plan for me, it's called forgiveness, unconditional love. It wasn't going just to be a band-aid to cover the cuts, there was not going to be scares left on me. God knew that if He kept me in his word and with His teachings I was going to over come this.
Ephesians 4:31:32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
What hurts the most now is to hear others say I can't do this. Yes you can. Do you believe in Jesus Christ? These words were spoken to me by our children. Mom, do you think that Jesus died on the cross just for you? Did he forgive you of your sins? If you believe He died for us all and has forgiven us of all our sins, who are you not to forgive? So true, thank you our children.
Romans 6:12-14
"Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God. Sin is no longer your master. Instead, you live under the freedom of God's grace."
You see I thought the mask was helping me but it was only helping me to hide the sin in me. I don't like pretending, actually what you see is what you get with me. I was only out to mask myself where others would think she really is getting through this so easy. If only I had taken God at His word and released it sooner. The pride would have been dissolved and the forgiveness would have come sooner.
We both look back as we're in God's word to see all the mistakes we made trying to do it our way and not God's way. This goes for so many things marriage, finances, children, employment and the list goes on. We have learned that we will both be in agreement and at peace with the decisions that need to be made. God's way not ours even if we have to struggle to get there. Our joy comes in the morning every morning.
My heart was sick and mind wouldn't let it go. I had not turned this over to God and left it there, if so it would have been over with sooner. Complete healing. I was disappointed that I had unfulfilled expectations of my husband but most of all myself.
Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Untreated pain and bitterness, pain that medicine couldn't cure. Pain that hurt so bad at times I wondered where God was in this. God had a plan for me, it's called forgiveness, unconditional love. It wasn't going just to be a band-aid to cover the cuts, there was not going to be scares left on me. God knew that if He kept me in his word and with His teachings I was going to over come this.
Ephesians 4:31:32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
What hurts the most now is to hear others say I can't do this. Yes you can. Do you believe in Jesus Christ? These words were spoken to me by our children. Mom, do you think that Jesus died on the cross just for you? Did he forgive you of your sins? If you believe He died for us all and has forgiven us of all our sins, who are you not to forgive? So true, thank you our children.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
May 12, 2011
Phil: 4:13
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
This has been one of many life changing verses of God's word for us. This one verse has helped in so many areas of our life.
Mark 7:21
For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man unclean.
Here God is talking to us all about the many temptations of life. Not just adultery. We all will struggle with these sins and will need forgiveness for each.
He had lust in his heart, which started a chain of events for us. I don't know about you but as looking back now I wasn't where I needed to be in our marriage or my walk with God. I am not excusing his behavior or saying it's okay to cross the line when the communication between the two has been disconnect.
Compromise always comes with consequence:
The enemy will always plant thoughts in your head such as:
God wants me to be happy, I can't be happy married to her. So I'm leaving and I know He'll understand.
In today's world the world thinks this is not immoral. The Lord gave me this desire and wants me to enjoy it. (Really) do you think that's true?
I'm not perfect, I've got in deeper than I planned. It's a sin but God will forgive me, isn't that what's grace is all about.
It feels good, they make me feel special and again isn't all about me.
So if the above is true why is it then in:
1 Peter 1:14:16 - God teaches us to be holy.
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy".
Marriages today are under attack more than ever before. As you know we are living in the last of days. Therefore the enemy is after every marriage and family he can destroy, stopping short of nothing. He knows how much this hurts our God. So why do we give in so easily? Why do we not stand up and fight for what is ours? We need to stand up for what God has given us and blessed us with. If it were our child that was being bullied you better believe ever parent would stand up against that bully. Why not our marriages and family? We don't divorce our children when they have done wrong we just show them love and demonstrate tough love. We take the easy way out with our marriages. The hurt, pain, anger or true forgiveness we don't want to deal with. It's easier to divorce than to forgive. The world has made it very easy to divorce and just walk away.
In Proverbs it teaches us about adultery and what's wrong with it:
First it violates God's holy standard. Second its consequences are devastating. Proverbs focuses on the consequences, teaching the reasons that adultery should be avoided at all costs.
Adultery pretends to offer pleasure and sexual release with few risks. The secrecy, intrigue and forbidden nature of the act only adds to the tug. A tug that controls the mind and heart.
Yet appearances are deceiving. What begins as sweet desire quickly turns bitter. Adultery destroys reputations, character and marriages the permanent costs immeasurable outweigh the momentary rewards. Actually there is no rewards for adultery. Only God can restore your character, reputation and integrity by his Grace and Mercy after full repenting of the sin.
Even if adultery is kept in secret is fully exposed to a God who judges righteously. God will reveal in His perfect timing.
To me self-centeredness is sin: It's all about me, whether you steal, lie, greed it's all about the self. It is the very essence of all sin and misery and results in self-destruction. It is the core of hostility, and hostility is the core of hell. Self-centeredness is the antithesis of holiness or God's love, and the beauty and essence of heaven.
Yes, I'm very aware of this because after the truth was out, it then became all about me. I had not reached the core of true forgiveness.
Thank you Lord, for the faithful friends that would call and encourage me every day even after a bad night. I was making myself miserable not to tell you how I was making my husband feel. I continued to question God and wondering is this really worth it? I went to bed praying God please help me; your word tells me "I can do all things through You who gives me strength". During the night I woke up to a voice telling me give Me your marriage and I will heal it. I realized at that point I had not given my marriage to God in order for Him to heal it. Also, I had truly not forgiven my husband. If so I would not have continued to make his life miserable. Why did he stay with me? I know that I really disappointed God and have since repented to God and my husband.
I continued to worry about what tomorrow would hold. Would I be any better? Would I get a day that would not cause me to worry?
Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own".
How true this verse is; I was just making it through the day, when I started quoting this scripture I didn't think about what was going to happen tomorrow, I knew that God had already gone before me. I was beginning to understand to live one day at a time, because I wasn't promised tomorrow. Tomorrow would come and I would be taking ten steps backward, when I thought I was on the road to recovery. Far from it, I had not experienced the true and living God as I thought.
Remember from the first I told you Did I really hear God? I needed another sign from God. If you will just give me one more sign that your speaking life into our marriage, please God let me hear from you again.
Romans 10:16-18
"consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and message is heard through the word about Christ".
Where was my faith or should I say is my faith going to be strong enough to see me through this. Faith cannot be perfected except by apparent denial. This was the way Job's faith was perfected so that he said, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him". This is the kind of faith that does not depend upon tangible fulfillment. It cannot be developed without being utterly baffled. God cannot develop this quality of faith in one without apparently denying Himself. I needed to have Job's faith more than ever.
We will go through test and trials in our lifetime. I would find scriptures that would relate to my lack of faith. I would write them down and memorize them. It was like being back in school all over again, researching in depth God's word and how it was applying to life at that moment. This one verse said it all to me:
Gal 2:20
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me".
One thing we should all realize is that Jesus, was tempted in everyway. If He hadn't been tempted then we wouldn't have the answers to all of our temptations.
This sin of unforgiveness in my life wasn't helping me to grow in the word that I was reading and memorizing daily. It was only helping me to wear my mask more comfortable and hide my weaknesses, which were causing me to have roadblocks to being real with true forgiveness. I would act life the perfect wife out in public but let me come home and something, someplace, some person, whatever it was would spin me into a whirlwind. I had not learned humility, which I needed more than my husband.
2 Corinthians 4:2
"We refuse to wear masks and play games..Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see".
Not me I was wearing that mask and I wasn't taking it off for anyone to see. I didn't want anyone to see the hurt and pain that I was going through.. I only shared that with the ones that I could trust to help me pray to over come this. My husband was continuing to pray over me, but there were times many times I wouldn't share with him. I didn't want to bring the past up that would cause him to stop healing.
Romans 7:15
"I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate".
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
This has been one of many life changing verses of God's word for us. This one verse has helped in so many areas of our life.
Mark 7:21
For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man unclean.
Here God is talking to us all about the many temptations of life. Not just adultery. We all will struggle with these sins and will need forgiveness for each.
He had lust in his heart, which started a chain of events for us. I don't know about you but as looking back now I wasn't where I needed to be in our marriage or my walk with God. I am not excusing his behavior or saying it's okay to cross the line when the communication between the two has been disconnect.
Compromise always comes with consequence:
The enemy will always plant thoughts in your head such as:
God wants me to be happy, I can't be happy married to her. So I'm leaving and I know He'll understand.
In today's world the world thinks this is not immoral. The Lord gave me this desire and wants me to enjoy it. (Really) do you think that's true?
I'm not perfect, I've got in deeper than I planned. It's a sin but God will forgive me, isn't that what's grace is all about.
It feels good, they make me feel special and again isn't all about me.
So if the above is true why is it then in:
1 Peter 1:14:16 - God teaches us to be holy.
As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy".
Marriages today are under attack more than ever before. As you know we are living in the last of days. Therefore the enemy is after every marriage and family he can destroy, stopping short of nothing. He knows how much this hurts our God. So why do we give in so easily? Why do we not stand up and fight for what is ours? We need to stand up for what God has given us and blessed us with. If it were our child that was being bullied you better believe ever parent would stand up against that bully. Why not our marriages and family? We don't divorce our children when they have done wrong we just show them love and demonstrate tough love. We take the easy way out with our marriages. The hurt, pain, anger or true forgiveness we don't want to deal with. It's easier to divorce than to forgive. The world has made it very easy to divorce and just walk away.
In Proverbs it teaches us about adultery and what's wrong with it:
First it violates God's holy standard. Second its consequences are devastating. Proverbs focuses on the consequences, teaching the reasons that adultery should be avoided at all costs.
Adultery pretends to offer pleasure and sexual release with few risks. The secrecy, intrigue and forbidden nature of the act only adds to the tug. A tug that controls the mind and heart.
Yet appearances are deceiving. What begins as sweet desire quickly turns bitter. Adultery destroys reputations, character and marriages the permanent costs immeasurable outweigh the momentary rewards. Actually there is no rewards for adultery. Only God can restore your character, reputation and integrity by his Grace and Mercy after full repenting of the sin.
Even if adultery is kept in secret is fully exposed to a God who judges righteously. God will reveal in His perfect timing.
To me self-centeredness is sin: It's all about me, whether you steal, lie, greed it's all about the self. It is the very essence of all sin and misery and results in self-destruction. It is the core of hostility, and hostility is the core of hell. Self-centeredness is the antithesis of holiness or God's love, and the beauty and essence of heaven.
Yes, I'm very aware of this because after the truth was out, it then became all about me. I had not reached the core of true forgiveness.
Thank you Lord, for the faithful friends that would call and encourage me every day even after a bad night. I was making myself miserable not to tell you how I was making my husband feel. I continued to question God and wondering is this really worth it? I went to bed praying God please help me; your word tells me "I can do all things through You who gives me strength". During the night I woke up to a voice telling me give Me your marriage and I will heal it. I realized at that point I had not given my marriage to God in order for Him to heal it. Also, I had truly not forgiven my husband. If so I would not have continued to make his life miserable. Why did he stay with me? I know that I really disappointed God and have since repented to God and my husband.
I continued to worry about what tomorrow would hold. Would I be any better? Would I get a day that would not cause me to worry?
Matthew 6:34
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own".
How true this verse is; I was just making it through the day, when I started quoting this scripture I didn't think about what was going to happen tomorrow, I knew that God had already gone before me. I was beginning to understand to live one day at a time, because I wasn't promised tomorrow. Tomorrow would come and I would be taking ten steps backward, when I thought I was on the road to recovery. Far from it, I had not experienced the true and living God as I thought.
Remember from the first I told you Did I really hear God? I needed another sign from God. If you will just give me one more sign that your speaking life into our marriage, please God let me hear from you again.
Romans 10:16-18
"consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and message is heard through the word about Christ".
Where was my faith or should I say is my faith going to be strong enough to see me through this. Faith cannot be perfected except by apparent denial. This was the way Job's faith was perfected so that he said, "Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him". This is the kind of faith that does not depend upon tangible fulfillment. It cannot be developed without being utterly baffled. God cannot develop this quality of faith in one without apparently denying Himself. I needed to have Job's faith more than ever.
We will go through test and trials in our lifetime. I would find scriptures that would relate to my lack of faith. I would write them down and memorize them. It was like being back in school all over again, researching in depth God's word and how it was applying to life at that moment. This one verse said it all to me:
Gal 2:20
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me".
One thing we should all realize is that Jesus, was tempted in everyway. If He hadn't been tempted then we wouldn't have the answers to all of our temptations.
This sin of unforgiveness in my life wasn't helping me to grow in the word that I was reading and memorizing daily. It was only helping me to wear my mask more comfortable and hide my weaknesses, which were causing me to have roadblocks to being real with true forgiveness. I would act life the perfect wife out in public but let me come home and something, someplace, some person, whatever it was would spin me into a whirlwind. I had not learned humility, which I needed more than my husband.
2 Corinthians 4:2
"We refuse to wear masks and play games..Rather, we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see".
Not me I was wearing that mask and I wasn't taking it off for anyone to see. I didn't want anyone to see the hurt and pain that I was going through.. I only shared that with the ones that I could trust to help me pray to over come this. My husband was continuing to pray over me, but there were times many times I wouldn't share with him. I didn't want to bring the past up that would cause him to stop healing.
Romans 7:15
"I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate".
Monday, May 9, 2011
Would I Do It Again?
June 2007, I find out from my sister that my daddy had a mass on his left kidney. Remember early on I told we had a broken relationship. I was on my knees asking God to open the door before me to allow me to talk to my daddy. The first try the telephone line was busy. God's timing. The second day I prayed again and made the call, only this time I left a message for him. God's timing. My daddy returned my call and we didn't miss a beat. How awesome is our God! See I believe with all my heart it was God's perfect timing for me to be preoccupied on my daddy and his salvation than my marriage at the time.
From June until October, I was with my daddy most of the time spent with him at the hospital. My sister and I both relieved each other over the weekends. It was August 31, 2007, I returned home for a long weekend to spend with my family. Labor Day weekend was when I truly new the truth. God will reveal what is in the dark and bring to light in His perfect timing.
I remember the day as clear as today. It was when I made a telephone call to a friend to tell her happy birthday. During our conversation she told me one of the girls there was having an affair with a married man. I knew from that point it was with my husband.
How could I even think that the enemy could get even his little toe in our marriage? Wrong not only did he put his little toe he put his paws and claws and everything he had. This is where I felt like Job. God had spared our children but for the rest it was gone.
Job 34:22
"there is no darkness nor shadow of death where the workers of iniquity may hide themselves".
I admire the ones of you that have handled this as Job did. I laid in the mud with the pigs, rolled around screaming and kicking when no one was looking having myself a pity party. Not only was I now dealing with my daddy's last days but finding out about the affair. This wasn't easy for me to find out I didn't have the relationship with God, as I had thought.
Not Relying on God!
I just knew that God had a job to do in me but what was it? I seemed to have it all together but now I wasn't so sure. How will I ever please God through this? Can I overcome and give true forgiveness?
I thought I had all the right answers and I was strong enough to go through this and please God. I was so wrong. I didn't understand myself, I would decide one way, but then I act another. I did things I absolutely despise. This was a very hard lesson to learn. I'm a problem solver and this time I couldn't solve my own problems. The bad behavior that had taken over me and almost killed me.
My eyes and mind where going to get the best of me.
Every time I went somewhere or past by somewhere they had been. This would cause a chain of events for me.
First I needed the weapons to fight this off, none better than scripture and worship.
Psalm 119:37
"Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way"
It was God's word and many songs of worship that went before me approaching a place that brought heartache to me. It got me through those deep dark places.
Thankful
Thank you Lord for sparing our children and grandchildren. What about me, my heart has been ripped out and thrown away. Lord you know I married him and it was all about true love. Now where is the love? Yes Lord, you joined us together and we are one in you. I understand that whatever he goes through I will go because we are one in You. Did my husband think about that before he crossed the line that ripped my heart out.
There was so many times that I wanted to throw in the towel and just call it quits. I couldn't because my husband had ask God and myself to forgive him.
What I had come to learn and know was I wanted to please God with all my heart and not tear my family apart. I wanted to be strong and faithful. God showed me I wasn't strong as thought I was or as forgiving as I should be. The easy way out was to divorce and not have to deal with it. Easy, so easy it is written:
After all, scripture does tell us God will grant a divorce for this sin. If you continue to read scripture you will also find out, God is against divorce or anything that separates a family. My husband had ask for forgiveness, this was going to be such a struggle for me. I didn't know true forgiveness!
Covenant not contract with God. The marriage is a covenant with God meant only for one husband, one wife that is joined together by God. When two becomes one in Christ. No one else should be allowed into your marriage except the one who joined you together, God.
From June until October, I was with my daddy most of the time spent with him at the hospital. My sister and I both relieved each other over the weekends. It was August 31, 2007, I returned home for a long weekend to spend with my family. Labor Day weekend was when I truly new the truth. God will reveal what is in the dark and bring to light in His perfect timing.
I remember the day as clear as today. It was when I made a telephone call to a friend to tell her happy birthday. During our conversation she told me one of the girls there was having an affair with a married man. I knew from that point it was with my husband.
How could I even think that the enemy could get even his little toe in our marriage? Wrong not only did he put his little toe he put his paws and claws and everything he had. This is where I felt like Job. God had spared our children but for the rest it was gone.
Job 34:22
"there is no darkness nor shadow of death where the workers of iniquity may hide themselves".
I admire the ones of you that have handled this as Job did. I laid in the mud with the pigs, rolled around screaming and kicking when no one was looking having myself a pity party. Not only was I now dealing with my daddy's last days but finding out about the affair. This wasn't easy for me to find out I didn't have the relationship with God, as I had thought.
Not Relying on God!
I just knew that God had a job to do in me but what was it? I seemed to have it all together but now I wasn't so sure. How will I ever please God through this? Can I overcome and give true forgiveness?
I thought I had all the right answers and I was strong enough to go through this and please God. I was so wrong. I didn't understand myself, I would decide one way, but then I act another. I did things I absolutely despise. This was a very hard lesson to learn. I'm a problem solver and this time I couldn't solve my own problems. The bad behavior that had taken over me and almost killed me.
My eyes and mind where going to get the best of me.
Every time I went somewhere or past by somewhere they had been. This would cause a chain of events for me.
First I needed the weapons to fight this off, none better than scripture and worship.
Psalm 119:37
"Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way"
It was God's word and many songs of worship that went before me approaching a place that brought heartache to me. It got me through those deep dark places.
Thankful
Thank you Lord for sparing our children and grandchildren. What about me, my heart has been ripped out and thrown away. Lord you know I married him and it was all about true love. Now where is the love? Yes Lord, you joined us together and we are one in you. I understand that whatever he goes through I will go because we are one in You. Did my husband think about that before he crossed the line that ripped my heart out.
There was so many times that I wanted to throw in the towel and just call it quits. I couldn't because my husband had ask God and myself to forgive him.
What I had come to learn and know was I wanted to please God with all my heart and not tear my family apart. I wanted to be strong and faithful. God showed me I wasn't strong as thought I was or as forgiving as I should be. The easy way out was to divorce and not have to deal with it. Easy, so easy it is written:
After all, scripture does tell us God will grant a divorce for this sin. If you continue to read scripture you will also find out, God is against divorce or anything that separates a family. My husband had ask for forgiveness, this was going to be such a struggle for me. I didn't know true forgiveness!
Covenant not contract with God. The marriage is a covenant with God meant only for one husband, one wife that is joined together by God. When two becomes one in Christ. No one else should be allowed into your marriage except the one who joined you together, God.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)