The Mask

It became a part of my identity to myself, I felt hopeless, I was defensive, and I became a slave to it.  I began to lose my life and what I thought I couldn't overcome.

Romans 6:12-14
"Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God. Sin is no longer your master. Instead, you live under the freedom of God's grace."

You see I thought the mask was helping me but it was only helping me to hide the sin in me.  I don't like pretending, actually what you see is what you get with me.  I was only out to mask myself where others would think she really is getting through this so easy.  If only I had taken God at His word and released it sooner.  The pride would have been dissolved and the forgiveness would have come sooner.

We both look back as we're in God's word to see all the mistakes we made trying to do it our way and not God's way.  This goes for so many things marriage, finances, children, employment and the list goes on.  We have learned that we will both be in agreement and at peace with the decisions that need to be made.  God's way not ours even if we have to struggle to get there.  Our joy comes in the morning every morning.

My heart was sick and mind wouldn't let it go.  I had not turned this over to God and left it there, if so it would have been over with sooner.  Complete healing. I was disappointed that I had unfulfilled expectations of my husband but most of all myself.

Proverbs 13:12
Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Untreated pain and bitterness, pain that medicine couldn't cure.  Pain that hurt so bad at times I wondered where God was in this.  God had a plan for me, it's called forgiveness, unconditional love.  It wasn't going just to be a band-aid to cover the cuts, there was not going to be scares left on me. God knew that if He kept me in his word and with His teachings I was going to over come this.

Ephesians 4:31:32
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

What hurts the most now is to hear others say I can't do this.  Yes you can. Do you believe in Jesus Christ?  These words were spoken to me by our children.  Mom, do you think that Jesus died on the cross just for you? Did he forgive you of your sins? If you believe He died for us all and has forgiven us of all our sins, who are you not to forgive? So true, thank you our children.